Wow.....

I can not believe I haven't blogged in seven months!!! A lot has happened in seven months and obviously I have been too busy to talk about it ;)

Where did I leave off?

Oh yeah we bought a horse! We showed at the Royal and at an ABRA show and we had a blast. I am bonding with my children in a way that I couldn't have imagined. Best 20K I have ever spent!! (J/K.....kinda)

We are now stuck in the middle of winter and I find myself dreaming of warm summer nights at the barn and early crisp show mornings driving to horse shows. Winter in the Midwest sucks! One week ago it was 60 degrees. Tonight we are spending day 3 in the house surrounded by 11 inches of snow. 

What do we do to keep busy and not go crazy with cabin fever? I clean. Organize. YouTube. Read. 

Yesterday I decided to deep clean Ava's room. I pulled her bed out from the wall and found 19 fruit snacks wrappers, a wrapper from an 8 pack of donuts, a half drank Capri sun and half an apple growing mold. I'm done. 

The kids fight. 

Dad leaves to have lunch with a friend and texts me 3 hours later to see if I "need anything". Are you kidding me? Yeah, I "need" you to bring me Chinese food, go to the grocery store to pick up food for teacher appreciation tomorrow and oh by the way grab me cigs and wine. (I know, I was supposed to give those up but hey,.......) Seriously? Do I need anything? 

It's almost 10pm and I have three days ahead of me stuck in this winter wonderland with three kids. Today was bad but I am prepared for tomorrow to be way worse. I am reminded of my elders telling me to appreciate these moments because at some point in my life I will want them back. I'm just not there yet. 

Half way through 2013......

I can't believe it's been 6 months since my last blog!! So much has been going on that I just haven't found the time to sit down and put it in black and white. 

The cliff notes are below......

In March we decided to put our 4 year old horse in training and on the market in hopes of finding a kid friendly horse that would be more suitable to our family. Our sweet Remmy went to a wonderful show home with some experienced kids to start her show career. 

While her quick sale was unexpected, it didn't take us long to find the "mare of our dreams" who quickly stole our hearts and derailed Sams gymnastics career and steered her into the horse show world. 

I am now entering the equivalent of "toddlers in tiaras" in the horse show world. Call me selfish, but I LOVED it as a kid and I needed these creatures in my life again. BONUS, not only one but TWO of my kids are all in ;) I'm not one to brag but Ava clenched a first place ribbon (in a class of two where they both won first) in her very first leadline class!! Sam did great as well and is a true diva in the horse show ring. 

It's not what I expected though. Being 9 (almost 10) Sam is pretty sure I know nothing about horses. She is so convinced of that that we had to hire a trainer because all I got from her was eye rolls and sass. So here I am now, a glorified stable hand demoted to wiping off her boots before a class and cleaning the slobber off the horses mouth before they enter the ring. Not exactly what I had in mind but after she watches me kick butt at our show this weekend I think I might gain a little street credibility. We'll see. 

Ava beat all odds this year and became our first kid to land us at Children's Mercy hospital. Three sutures later and my 4 year old dare devil was good to go. My money was always on James. 

Not much else to report now, we are enjoying a fun filled summer at the barn, the lake and Schlitterbaun. School will be starting before we know it and I am finding myself ( for the first time ever) dreading back to school time. These little boogers are fun to have around and keep me laughing, screaming, and they single handedly keep our local winery in business. 

2012 in review, big hopes for 2013

So my first ever blog post of 2012 outlined my goals for the year. I didn't accomplish them all, but I did make accomplishments. I am a gun owner, though haven't completed my conceal and carry. (Still a goal for 2013 ;) I accomplished saying NO more often to other people besides my kids. Which in turn allowed me to say YES to my kids more often. This years goals seem beyond my reach but I will strive for them anyway.

1) Enroll in college to begin my bachelors degree. Though I am slightly embarrassed I will have to attend KSU, I am willing to sacrifice being shunned by my KU family and friends. My kids will all be school aged in a couple years and I will once again become a working woman.

2) Send my horse to a trainer and delve back into the world I love and have missed. I need to do something for me without feeling selfish. I need a outlet. People like me, type A's, tend to become self destructive when we have down time. I need an outlet that is true to who I am and what I love.

3) Be more open minded. The problems in this world will not be solved based on my opinion alone and I need to see others views and adapt them to reaching solutions we can all benefit from.

4) Strengthen my relationship with my oldest daughter NOW to prevent the distance and distrust that will certainly come with her getting older. If she doesn't trust me now she will never trust me as she gets older.

5) Somewhat shut out the outside world and focus on my family. They are more important than Facebook and Twitter.

6) Find time to focus on me and my dreams. Every mother feels selfish doing this but it is imperative to show your kids you value yourself. I've felt for so long that being a stay at home mom is a job that holds little respect and that just isn't true. I have sacrificed "me" for far too long and though they may not respect me now for it, they will when they are older.

7) Quit smoking! I am voluntarily sacrificing my life for no reason. I have lost friends and family to this terrible addiction and lost friends to cancer that lived normal healthy lives.

8) Start running again! My health is just as important as my children's and if I don't embrace that I can't preach to them the importance of making good decisions regarding their health.

I avoid New Years resolutions because I believe we set ourselves up for failure when we make them. These are my goals for 2013 and they may not all be achieved. Only I can make these changes and I intend to make every effort to see them through.

Helpless. Party of One.

I don't know how to live in a world where Kindergarteners are murdered in cold blood. There are no words that explain the helplessness that a parent feels in the wake of the tragedy in Newtown Connecticut. Do we pull our kids out of school and homeschool? No.....because they could be killed in a movie theater. Do we rally for more strict gun reform? No.....because these guns were possessed legally. Do we accept the harsh reality that our children's lives are at stake no matter where they are? I don't think I can accept that either.

It starts with kindness......with empathy. It starts with placing value on life........and not just our own. Tonight I lay sobbing at each one of my children's beds while they lay in peaceful slumber. What is the answer to sparing their lives in a world full of hate. The answer lies within all of us. Take the time to participate in your children's lives because YOU are responsible for their existence. Stop pushing them away and hold them closer. Be thankful for every day you have with them because in the blink of an eye it could all be over. Take responsibility. It ends with us. Their parents. It will only stop when WE stop.........and recognize that they need us to become successful, to know right from wrong, to place a value on the short life we are given. Turn off the tv, take time to talk, stop pushing them away. The future of this country depends on the parents of the children that will some day take a stand and change it. Maybe we can't change the world but they can. Being a parent is one of the most important jobs in the world.......take it seriously and love them. Teach them how to love each other and to love god. Twenty children were killed today as a result of a sick human being that no longer valued life. This is your wake up call to stop what you are doing........and become a responsible parent.

Who's idea was it to have THREE kids in October??!!

Birthday parties.  Two words that make me want to vomit.  Literally.  Those two words leave me feeling sick to my stomach.  Birthday parties.  It comes once a year......every year.................October. My three little blessings (thanks for that term Cori) were born within 8 days of each other, TWO on the same day.  It seemed simple enough in the beginning.  Perfect really.  One big party for all three kids.  That ship has sailed.

Sam wants a sleepover with her closest 15 friends. (point gun at head and pull trigger) There is no way I am having 16 girls in my house and rooms at the Marriott are too expensive.  I told her no.  James wants to have another party here at our house with the tractor, apple bobbing, pumpkin decorating and Ben............our horse.  Awwww......that was a great party James.  I will cherish the memories of that party until the day I die but.......... I don't think I can bring our sweet Ben back from the grave.  (Every time we talk about Ben not coming home it leads to tears and nightmares so I still haven't told him no yet) Ava doesn't care.  She seriously has no idea what the fuss is all about.  Its October...........we have a birthday party for Sam and James..........who cares??  Oh Ava........I am so sorry you are the last child and I forgot to tell you all of those parties were for you too.  Please forgive me and I swear on your 16th birthday I will buy you the safest newest model of the Honda Civic I can afford.  She's so tolerant.

So in order to make this October like every other October I have decided to have another baby.  Yep....thats right....a baby.  Diapers, formula, bottles, wipes.......the whole shizam.  I just wouldn't know what to do with myself if October came and went and I didn't have a newborn baby in my arms.  Her name is Marley and she is the beautiful offspring of two friends of ours ;)  I will now be her proud nanny 5 days a week.  Am I crazy? (You have to be asking yourself this by now) No.  I absolutely LOVE babies.  I adore them.  I adore them even more when my vagina doesn't have to be stitched up afterwards and someone picks them up at 5pm. In all seriousness babies are amazing and I feel so blessed that these two people have trusted me with their precious little miracle.  I do not however know how I am going to get over the name Marley and how I automatically think of a Labrador and Owen Wilson.  God I hope she doesn't have his nose.  Well.........I guess thats not my problem.

Fall cant get here soon enough.  I am ready to take on all that it has to offer.  Football, chili, fire pits.....my precious Uggs that are still holding strong.  I absolutely wouldn't have it any other way.  As long as I can remember that it is the small things in life that are going to be remembered by me.......and only me.  The smiles, the laughter the moments that I share with these four people inside these walls.  Those are the things that matter.  Everything else is just icing on the birthday cake ;)

NAG......and you SHALL receive!

I have been wanting a new computer for a long time.  The last computer we bought was a laptop in 2008. Shortly after its arrival our sweet little princess Ava popped off half the keys on the keyboard resulting in me spending HOURS trying to figure out where they all went.  The laptop had a pretty rough life.  It endured having its screen colored with crayons when James couldn't figure out a coloring game, being slammed closed every time I told one of the kids it was time to get off the computer, being dropped on the kitchen floor, being mutilated by Ava, and who knows what else that I never knew. This thing was TOUGH.

Early on Saturday morning (well.....not early....I tend to rise around 10am) I walked into the kitchen, gently tapped the ON button on my way to the coffee pot and waited for old faithful to boot up as I sipped my morning coffee.  I waited.....and waited.....and pushed again........and checked the outlet......and checked the charger........but nothing happened.  Puzzled, I looked at Sam and her friend sitting at the kitchen bar and asked "Did you guys use the computer this morning?"

"No, mom.......it wouldn't turn on."
"Hmmm........" I said, "I wonder whats wrong with it now?"
"We don't know...........<insert whisper> do you think that maybe it would do that if someone spilled water inside of it?"
"Uhhhh......YEAH.......I do! What happened?"
"Oh.........well that didn't happen.......we were just wondering........"

Slap forehead.

I went over to the geriatric PC and gently turned her upside down.  Slowly......drip drip drip........the guilty liquid spilled out.  Lemonade.

I wasn't mad...........I of course had to pretend to be because it was a really big deal, but honestly, I had been waiting for that thing to die so I could finally upgrade my family to an iMac Desktop computer.  My glee quickly turned to panic as I worried about my documents........my pictures..........everything that hadn't been backed up onto a disk.  Crap.

As I slowly dismantled the laptop and placed its hard drive into a bowl of rice I quietly surfed the net on my phone and shopped for a replacement.  It felt so dirty.  I managed to mask my excitement when I typed a frantic text to my husband and broke the news.  Secretly I was wondering what I should do for Sam's friend, Gretchen, to thank her for effortlessly carrying out the grotesque hit on our family's computer.

The next day, much to my surprise, my husband had the hard drive back in old faithful and it was slowly limping along.  Great, just great.  WHAT do we have to do to this computer to END its reign?
I remember leaving for work Sunday morning glaring at that hunk of junk on the counter just barely breathing and running on fumes and lemonade residue and I stated simply "I don't care that you fixed it I want it GONE and I want a new computer!"  I seriously said that.   Then I stormed out like a spoiled little child.  Luckily we were busy at work and I didn't have time to fret about my temper tantrum.  When I returned home at 11 that night there she was.....still sitting on the counter running like a champ, in better condition than when I had left.  I just sigh and walk past, pretty embarrassed about my earlier outburst.

 As I walked into my bedroom, past my sleeping husband and towards my closet door (which for some reason was shut) I saw a glow.  A soft beautiful glow from underneath the closet door that captured my attention and led me through to the dark room......I slowly and anxiously opened the door to a miraculous sight.  I actually did it.  I managed to be a total bitch.........and had effectively applied the right amount of pressure/guilt to get what I wanted......AGAIN!  My husband would make a horrible Dog Whisperer......you don't reinforce bad behavior with a reward!  How do you expect to break the cycle?!

The shiny modern flat screen monitor had a personalized screen saver which simply read "Your welcome."  At the moment when I should be elated with this amazing sight..........all I could do was correct his grammar.  Thanks honey, you are the best..............and here I sit on my throne.......just living the dream ;)

Night of the living children

Is it just me or is there nothing scarier than seeing your children in the middle of the night? Mine aren't the kind of kids that come in crying and throwing a fit tapping you on the head asking to crawl into bed.  My kids are like SWAT team snipers.  Sam likes to stand right outside of my bedroom door and just stare at me while she does surveillance and comes up with a plan of action.  Sometimes she crawls to my side of the bed, gets inches from my face and just waits for me to wake up.  When I wake up I fear for my life.  Why does this freak me out? I don't know........ maybe its because of horror movies like "The Ring" or the Amityville horror movie that have those creepy children standing in the doorway holding their teddy bears with evil smiles on their faces.    

Saturday night, while staying awake waiting for the "devastating storms" threatening our area I was trying to keep my eyes open at 3am when I saw a child like flash dash across the hallway.  Honestly I was so tired and sleep deprived that I wasn't sure it was real.  I woke my husband.  At the time it seemed like an emergency because I was pretty sure I had just seen a ghost.  James has the tendency to make a mad dash into my room, fall to the floor in front of my bed to avoid breaking his cover, and then army crawls to his dads side of the bed to sneak inside. We searched the room........no James............I assumed I was crazy. I laid back down to check the current radar and once again the child like flash dashed across the hallway towards the living room. I knew it wasn't my imagination this time and soon found they both were huddled on the living room couch scared of the storm.

Ava on the other hand clumsily stumbles into my room, throws her blanket and sippy cup onto my head and hoists herself up.  She kicks me in the side and steals my pillow and makes no attempt to hide the fact that she is claiming her spot.  This I can handle.  She is a "regular" in our room every night.  Really the only creepy thing about Ava is that she has decided to start referring to herself in the third person this week.  "Ava is hungry", "Ava has to go potty", "Ava doesn't want to go to bed"............I am struggling to figure this one out.

One store, two store, three store.....FAIL!

So tomorrow is dress like Dr Seuss day at school. I have been VERY excited about this and racking my brain for ideas. Sam didn't have anything in her closet that was red and white striped, nothing even SOLID red! A trip to the store was unavoidable. I think I went to five stores last night with little to no success. I finally scored a turquoise Henley and solid red top for underneath but not a single thread of anything striped. Leaving a little disappointed I went home and immediately called my friend Jess at Drama Girl and asked her to whip me up a tutu.....Dr Seuss style. She is amazing and had it made before the night was over. Score!

Next was to think of a rhyming snack and I had been brainstorming that one for awhile. I finally decided on "fish in a dish"!

So while I should be sitting here excited for tomorrows festivities, I'm not........Sams not going to school Friday.....she has strep. FML.

Lent..............the new diet

With no intentions of offending anyone I have to say I am a teeny bit irritated at all the people giving up things for lent that really don't fall into the category of fasting yourself of something that strengthens your relationship with god.  I don't think lent should be a 40 day crash diet, or a 40 day detox from alcohol or chocolate.  I think lent is giving up something you NEED in your every day life.  Something you NEED.  I also think lent isn't only about giving something up, but gaining something in your life to change who you are. (in a good way) We don't have to give up bad habits to prove to our god that we believe.  Instead of giving something up this year I opted to add something to my life that makes me feel like a better person.  Something entirely selfless, other than being completely and totally rewarding to my soul, and something that shows my god that I am working on becoming the person that I am supposed to be.  I was recently blessed with some new amazing people in my life.  A family that brings so much clarity when I am with them, and so much inspiration just having known them.  I truly believe they were brought into my life to show me what the important things in life really are.  They aren't Coach purses, German vehicles, and designer jeans. This family has opened my eyes to the kind of life that I want to lead and I could not be happier that god has sent them to me.

So I've been tagged............

Thanks Cori Ingram for tagging me in your blogging questionnaire...............I'll give it a go.

1. What is one thing you would change about your physical appearance if you could?
Would it seem conceded if I said nothing?  Ok, I guess if I had to change something I would have been born with straight hair.  I had fought with my naturally curly hair most of my life. It hates humidity, and I hate it.
2. Where was your first date with your significant other?
Jimmy and I were introduced through a mutual friend when I was a senior in high school.  We met at a party at his house.  I dont include this as our first date.  He had me over to his house (his parents had just divorced so he had it to himself in college) and cooked me a Lobster dinner.  I hadnt had time to mention to him I hated seafood.  To make matters worse, the lobster were still alive.  Apparently he thought I would be impressed as he stuffed their screaming bodies into the pot to boil.  I cried.  He had the most amazing flowers waiting there for me but I couldnt take them home because my parents had no idea I was seeing an old man his age.  It was a lovely evening.  He told me several years later that after I had left he invited some of his friends over and they ate the mountains of crab that I refused to eat.  
3. What job do you see yourself doing in 10 years?
I would love to go back to school when my kids are all in school and become a pharmacist.  Chemistry amazes me and I love drugs.  The legal kind.
4. What is your favorite dessert of all time?
Wow.  Probably an amazing home made banana cream pie made by our very own David Angelotti
5. How long have you been blogging, and why did you start? :)
Only a few months.  Primarily because I had so much useless things to say that I was tired of clogging up my Facebook wall with all the nonsense.  I figured people read blogs because they want to hear what you have to say, you shouldn't bog down everyone's news feed updating your status every hour about something funny your kid just did.
6. What is the biggest obstacle you have faced in life so far?
I don't think I have faced a big obstacle in my life yet.  I have been so very blessed my entire life and surrounded by the most amazing family that I don't feel like I have truly suffered.  I guess I am pretty lucky that even though I had my first child at such a young age I was able to stay in school and graduate from college while juggling a family.  That was hard.
7. What is your favorite room in your house?

My living room.  It is covered by the sweet canvas'd faces of my little angels, its warm and inviting.  My living room is not at all formal and I absolutely adore curling up on my sofa wrapped in a blanket and reading a book.

8. Do you follow politics closely?
Not really.  Not as much as I should.
9. Do you like Scentsy? Which scent? (I have recently become a Scentsy nut. I don't sell it, I just adore the products.)
The best Scentsy scent out there is Spring Clean, hands down.  Its discontinued of course, but they just brought it back last month for the Bring Back My Scentsy promotion and I bought a TON of it.

10. Name one thing you wish you could change about your high school years?
I wasnt really involved as I would have liked to have been in high school.  The activities I was involved in really didnt connect me with school.  I was at horse shows every weekend and spending my afternoons with my horse at the barn.  It I could do it all over again I would have played more sports and really enjoyed my high school years.
11. Name one splurge you would not want to live without.

Well my one splurge was my Volvo SUV we purchased after the birth of our second child.  Thanks to child #3 I lost my dream car to a minivan because we had a 3 kid minivan rule.  I'll get her back some day though............some day very soon ;)

I Dont Wanna Grow Up!

Whew! What a week! We have had so much illness over the past 10 days, I am just exhausted.  It seems just as one child seems to getting over it there is another one waiting to break with a disease.  We received a letter home from school that informed us Samantha's class had been exposed to pink eye.......keeping our fingers crossed we dont end up with that crud.  When the note came home, it listed several communicable diseases, and it highlighted the illness your child was exposed to.  Sam and I had to chuckle because her dad has been throwing a royal hissy fit over the lice "problem" at the elementary school.  He warned her that she should steer clear of any children in the affected class, and that if she brought lice home, the only way to cure it would be to shave her head.  As impressionable as she is.............she has been terrified ever since.  I never knew my husband had such a lice phobia.  When news broke that a child had been identified with lice he was up all night on his ipad researching ways to prevent/treat this apparent killer bug.  When we got the note Sam and I came up with a little practical joke, and we highlighted lice on the list along with pink eye, and posted it on the refrigerator.  As we pretended to do laundry and mind our own business we watched and waited for dad to see the note and flip his lid.  He caught on rather quickly to our scheme and preceded to lecture us about the serious nature of this little mite.  I guess I should grow up and be the adult here but it is just oh so much fun tormenting my husband.

On another note..........speaking of not wanting to grow up............I realized this week that I guess I have to.  As much fun as it is to pretend to be youthful and carefree, I must remind myself I am a 31 year old mother of  three and that the decisions I make DO affect others.  I try to live a pretty drama free life, as my husband reads this he will instantly call my bluff, but I've just gotten too busy for the drama that comes with life.  I would much rather avoid it like the plague than get myself wrapped up into it, but sometimes its unavoidable.  I made some questionable decisions recently and they weren't decisions that I feel represent my true character. I've learned to base everything I do now on whether or not I would approve of the decision if it was made by one of my children.  Basically I have just updated the "golden" rule.  I am teaching myself to treat others as I would expect them to treat my children, my mother, or my sisters..........basically...........just treat everyone with respect.  It sounds pretty simple but adding to that some peoples......"charismatic" personalities........its harder than it sounds.  I ask myself the same question whenever I am having trouble judging the best course of action.........would I want my son or daughter to have a friend like me.  If I answer that honestly, the answer is not always yes.  I would be one disappointed mother if I raised a child that knowingly and maliciously treated people poorly, as I am sure my own mother would feel the same.  I'm not on some mission to conquer bullying, I am just on a mission to do my best to raise good people that will make a positive difference in someones life. 

Some things just aren't funny

I dont make new years resolutions.  I decided some time ago that resolutions arent for me.......maybe it was the fifth year of trying to quit smoking, stop drinking Coke, or just the way it made me feel like a giant piece of crap when I failed again and again.  I started making new years GOALS.  This year I had an oddly diverse list of goals for 2012.  I realized just how oddly diverse they were as I was sitting on the couch watching a youtube video teaching me to crochet (my first goal) and also talking to my husband about signing up for a conceal and carry course at Cabellas (my second goal).  He found it odd. I am happy to announce I am now a crocheter(is that a word?) and the proud owner of a new gun.  ( haven't taken that conceal and carry course yet so watch out!)  Other goals on my list were pretty generic and random; learn to say no to more people other than my kids, stand up for myself more, be a better wife (still working on that one) and to find something I am passionate about (outside of my family) and pursue it.  In other words, I need to quit living to impress others and make them happy and just get a life of my own.

I have been faced with a very emotional and heartbreaking situation at work.  There is no way to be funny about this situation.  Someone I care very deeply for, and respect.....or used to respect , has shown me she is losing her battle being an addict.  I dont have experience with addicts of any kind (other than listening to Dr. Drew) so I knew very little about what my role as a friend would be.  I have tried being a friend, being supportive and suggesting said person seeks help.  I failed miserably.  I have come to the devastating conclusion that the only way I can help her........is to stop helping her.  I am enabling her.  I have been enabling her for more than five years.  Making excuses, expressing my sympathy and understanding and making her believe it is okay.  Its not okay.  Last week was my breaking point.  As hard as it was to do, I told her our friendship was over.  I am tired of caring so much for someone who expects me to just sit aside and watch her die. The only way she is going to change is to have consequences for her actions, and I wasn't giving her any consequences.  I was reinforcing her lifestyle because I felt sorry for her.  It doesn't matter what kind of a life you were dealt, a healthy person seeks help.  She is not healthy.  I wait.......every day...........for that phone call that confirms my worst fears.  The only way for me to help her.......is to watch her hit rock bottom and help her back up to face a life of sobriety.  Tomorrow will be the first day I face the person who has been my mentor and friend for a decade.  Tomorrow I face a new person, someone who is no longer my friend, someone who is an addict.

When good pet owners go bad

I guess I started this blog, really, to have a place to vent and document the ridiculous stuff I deal with working at a veterinary ER.  Some of the stories will not be my own, only legends of events that have happened during the days of the week when I was not present.  We (the staff at the ER) have said some pretty ridiculously funny things of our own, usually because we are dealing with some really 'special' people.  One of my favorites has to be the night my fellow coworker, Mandy, answered the phone to a distressed individual that had found an orphaned rabbit in their backyard.  We'll call this individual Panicked Patty, or PP for short.  PP didn't know what she should do, she couldn't believe a mother rabbit would leave her young so defenseless and alone in her backyard.  Why would she do such a thing? When could we come out and pick up this tiny little creature in an ambulance and get him the help he needs? Of course she couldn't bring him in!  Its just a rabbit! She isn't driving that far just to save a rabbit!  What do you mean you wont come over and help this poor creature?  What I am supposed to do, sit here and watch it DIE?! How horrible! How is she supposed to just sit there and watch this innocent furry little animal (whom she wouldn't donate 4 gallons of unleaded gasoline to) DIE?! Thirty minutes later Mandy calmly and straight faced told her if she didn't want to watch the rabbit die......then she should put it under a bush and go inside.  When I heard the story I did that laugh.  You know the one, where you clap like a mentally handicapped seal and no sound comes out. (Thanks Max for that perfect description of the laugh we all know we do but have no words to explain it.) Sure it sounds cold and heartless, but when you have three other phone lines ringing in your ear, dogs dying all around you and more pouring through the door every minute you are on the phone with PP.....I think it was a reasonable resolution to all of our problems.

Last night someone called me at the ER because her dog was sick.  She used to work at a veterinary hospital so she knew what to do.  She had given the dog a peroxide enema (duh!) but now the dog was vomiting.  I don't know what makes owners think they have the right to stick something up their dogs ass.  I don't care how sick your dog is, if your only collective thought tells you to put something up his butt I would drop the dog off at a the nearest shelter and seek professional help.

Later that night the above mentioned couple arrived at the ER.  The peroxide enemas weren't helping and the dog was still vomiting and now had diarrhea that was bloody and fizzing like a soda. (from the peroxide enema) I couldn't get over how normal they looked.  The same person standing before me in her Ugg boots, perfect mascara and Kathy Van Zeeland handbag had just committed the most ridiculous act I had ever heard of.  (well thats not true, people have done worse.)  She was distraught, Fluffy was her baby and she could NOT lose him.  We were instructed to do everything we needed to do to make her dog well again.  After a few routine tests and some supportive care, her dog was close to walking out of our clinic good as new.  Ready to put the entire enema incident behind him knowing he could have done worse for owners.  The only thing left to do was settle up with me up front and pay for their services.  When I presented them with their $250 bill I noticed immediately no one went to reach for a wallet or really even acknowledged I had spoken.  When they met my eyes they looked shocked that I was requesting payment for saving Fluffys life and asked to have their charges billed to them.  I calmly explained we don't finance their pets care, and that payment was due at the time the services were rendered.  (I may have also pointed to the 20X30 inch signthat was hanging on the wall that reiterated my statement .)  In other words, pay me now and leave so I (along with Fluffy) could forget this ever happened.  Needless to say they walked out of my clinic with a dog on the mend and having not paid a cent for all of our hard work.  Sigh.  This isn't a new phenomenon in the ER business but this chick took it to an all new level.  Not only was the phone number she called from not her own, the address she wrote on the paperwork was incorrect as well.  The only thing I can hope for at the end of the day is that this dog had explosive bloody diarrhea all over her Chevy Tahoe and that she has cloth, not leather.

Its been an emotional week

Well we've started off the year with the loss of a beloved (not really) family member. Our last living cat, Peyton, passed away last night from..........something bad. While it is always sad when a pet dies, I cant say I will miss replacing the carpet.  Its been a rough week.  I have successfully stuck to my guns about never telling my children a lie about what happens to their pets.  You know....the old "your dog went to live on a farm" bit.  My parents did that to me when I was a kid.......and I still freaking resent them for it.  I remember being in elementary school when my beloved dog "Prissy" was "missing" when I came home from school one day.  I remember looking for her, and I remember calling her name for months when I was outdoors playing.  Hoping for some miracle like in the movies that she would come running from a field and leap into my arms.  Never happened.  Years went by and I forgot about that scrappy little dog.  I also vividly remember the night we were sitting around watching tv with our entire family when we got the phone call.  You really couldn't tell from the sound of my mothers voice if someone had died or if it was Ed McMahan calling with good news.  I just remember someone showing up at the door and handing them Prissy.  It was an effing Christmas miracle.  Years later I would learn my parents gave her away. They decided they didn't want her anymore.......and unlucky for my parents......her new owners had remembered where we lived.  I believe "Prissy" was the smelliest, most yappy, annoying dog anyone could imagine, and she lived for about 15 more years.  Karma? I believe so.   Again.......I'm over it.......really........its just.......irritating.  


I cant say my nose didn't grow just a little as I gathered my little ones to break the news of our kitty's demise.  I told them she was dead, of course, but I didn't tell them I had her put to sleep.  I told them she died.  See......when an animals dies around here it seems like they always go for one last ride in mommy's van and never come home.  Pretty soon my kids are going to be afraid to go anywhere with me or let the dog go to the groomers.  I am sick of driving a hearse, so I told them she died.  There, I said it, I LIED!  Its not a big lie, but I didn't come out of this deal clean like I had hoped.  I had been practicing all night how I would tenderly break the news, researching online how to best let them down easy and vowing to keep my composure as I watched their tiny little tears escape from their eyes.  Maybe I would have to take them to school late and give them time to grieve, maybe they would be SO upset they would have to stay home and mourn our loss privately as a family.  I'm not sure if anyone even stopped eating their cereal. There were no tears other than my own.  As I walked into the bathroom to dry my eyes and blow my nose I overheard my son walk into the bathroom, look at his dad and say "Hey dad,......your cat is dead" and walk out.  I'm a little worried about them.