I have been wanting a new computer for a long time. The last computer we bought was a laptop in 2008. Shortly after its arrival our sweet little princess Ava popped off half the keys on the keyboard resulting in me spending HOURS trying to figure out where they all went. The laptop had a pretty rough life. It endured having its screen colored with crayons when James couldn't figure out a coloring game, being slammed closed every time I told one of the kids it was time to get off the computer, being dropped on the kitchen floor, being mutilated by Ava, and who knows what else that I never knew. This thing was TOUGH.
Early on Saturday morning (well.....not early....I tend to rise around 10am) I walked into the kitchen, gently tapped the ON button on my way to the coffee pot and waited for old faithful to boot up as I sipped my morning coffee. I waited.....and waited.....and pushed again........and checked the outlet......and checked the charger........but nothing happened. Puzzled, I looked at Sam and her friend sitting at the kitchen bar and asked "Did you guys use the computer this morning?"
"No, mom.......it wouldn't turn on."
"Hmmm........" I said, "I wonder whats wrong with it now?"
"We don't know...........<insert whisper> do you think that maybe it would do that if someone spilled water inside of it?"
"Uhhhh......YEAH.......I do! What happened?"
"Oh.........well that didn't happen.......we were just wondering........"
Slap forehead.
I went over to the geriatric PC and gently turned her upside down. Slowly......drip drip drip........the guilty liquid spilled out. Lemonade.
I wasn't mad...........I of course had to pretend to be because it was a really big deal, but honestly, I had been waiting for that thing to die so I could finally upgrade my family to an iMac Desktop computer. My glee quickly turned to panic as I worried about my documents........my pictures..........everything that hadn't been backed up onto a disk. Crap.
As I slowly dismantled the laptop and placed its hard drive into a bowl of rice I quietly surfed the net on my phone and shopped for a replacement. It felt so dirty. I managed to mask my excitement when I typed a frantic text to my husband and broke the news. Secretly I was wondering what I should do for Sam's friend, Gretchen, to thank her for effortlessly carrying out the grotesque hit on our family's computer.
The next day, much to my surprise, my husband had the hard drive back in old faithful and it was slowly limping along. Great, just great. WHAT do we have to do to this computer to END its reign?
I remember leaving for work Sunday morning glaring at that hunk of junk on the counter just barely breathing and running on fumes and lemonade residue and I stated simply "I don't care that you fixed it I want it GONE and I want a new computer!" I seriously said that. Then I stormed out like a spoiled little child. Luckily we were busy at work and I didn't have time to fret about my temper tantrum. When I returned home at 11 that night there she was.....still sitting on the counter running like a champ, in better condition than when I had left. I just sigh and walk past, pretty embarrassed about my earlier outburst.
As I walked into my bedroom, past my sleeping husband and towards my closet door (which for some reason was shut) I saw a glow. A soft beautiful glow from underneath the closet door that captured my attention and led me through to the dark room......I slowly and anxiously opened the door to a miraculous sight. I actually did it. I managed to be a total bitch.........and had effectively applied the right amount of pressure/guilt to get what I wanted......AGAIN! My husband would make a horrible Dog Whisperer......you don't reinforce bad behavior with a reward! How do you expect to break the cycle?!
The shiny modern flat screen monitor had a personalized screen saver which simply read "Your welcome." At the moment when I should be elated with this amazing sight..........all I could do was correct his grammar. Thanks honey, you are the best..............and here I sit on my throne.......just living the dream ;)
