Some things just aren't funny

I dont make new years resolutions.  I decided some time ago that resolutions arent for me.......maybe it was the fifth year of trying to quit smoking, stop drinking Coke, or just the way it made me feel like a giant piece of crap when I failed again and again.  I started making new years GOALS.  This year I had an oddly diverse list of goals for 2012.  I realized just how oddly diverse they were as I was sitting on the couch watching a youtube video teaching me to crochet (my first goal) and also talking to my husband about signing up for a conceal and carry course at Cabellas (my second goal).  He found it odd. I am happy to announce I am now a crocheter(is that a word?) and the proud owner of a new gun.  ( haven't taken that conceal and carry course yet so watch out!)  Other goals on my list were pretty generic and random; learn to say no to more people other than my kids, stand up for myself more, be a better wife (still working on that one) and to find something I am passionate about (outside of my family) and pursue it.  In other words, I need to quit living to impress others and make them happy and just get a life of my own.

I have been faced with a very emotional and heartbreaking situation at work.  There is no way to be funny about this situation.  Someone I care very deeply for, and respect.....or used to respect , has shown me she is losing her battle being an addict.  I dont have experience with addicts of any kind (other than listening to Dr. Drew) so I knew very little about what my role as a friend would be.  I have tried being a friend, being supportive and suggesting said person seeks help.  I failed miserably.  I have come to the devastating conclusion that the only way I can help her........is to stop helping her.  I am enabling her.  I have been enabling her for more than five years.  Making excuses, expressing my sympathy and understanding and making her believe it is okay.  Its not okay.  Last week was my breaking point.  As hard as it was to do, I told her our friendship was over.  I am tired of caring so much for someone who expects me to just sit aside and watch her die. The only way she is going to change is to have consequences for her actions, and I wasn't giving her any consequences.  I was reinforcing her lifestyle because I felt sorry for her.  It doesn't matter what kind of a life you were dealt, a healthy person seeks help.  She is not healthy.  I wait.......every day...........for that phone call that confirms my worst fears.  The only way for me to help her.......is to watch her hit rock bottom and help her back up to face a life of sobriety.  Tomorrow will be the first day I face the person who has been my mentor and friend for a decade.  Tomorrow I face a new person, someone who is no longer my friend, someone who is an addict.